Use Your Inside Voice

By Chris Robinson

Attitude is a choice. Each day, we make up our minds to have a certain outlook on life. Most people allow their situations to determine what their attitudes will be. However, this hands over control to our circumstances. While we can’t control what happens to us, we can control what happens with us—inside of us. As John Wooden said, “The choice you make … makes you.”

Life is full of choices, and we don’t simply make them—we are made by them. As leaders, if we want a better result in the area of our attitude, we have to start by making better choices. It truly is that simple. One of the most powerful choices you can make in choosing your attitude is changing your self-talk. Self-talk is extremely influential over our attitude. You’ll know this if you’ve ever failed at something and allowed that little voice of self-doubt, condemnation and fear to take over. Why is it that self-talk is so powerful?

It’s because our attitude is the sum of all our thoughts. Much of what we do comes from our thinking habits—what we believe is true about ourselves, our work and our leadership. You’ll never be able to outperform your attitude or belief. This forms a cycle that leaders often get caught up in: What we listen to determines our thoughts, our feelings determine our actions and our actions determine our results.

So the question becomes this: What are you listening to each and every day? If we’re going to change the channel on self-talk, we’re going to have to answer this honestly. We have to make sure we’re giving our time, energy and intention to what makes significant differences in our lives. In order to grow in your self-talk, you’ll need to evaluate your present attitude, take responsibility for it, develop a desire to change, actually change your attitude by changing your self-talk and develop a good habit of repeatedly doing this every day.

SELF-TALK DEFINED

The single most important conversation you will have today is with yourself. A lot of people don’t think they talk to themselves. But here’s an important question that proves otherwise: If I said to you what you say to yourself, would we be friends?

Some of us might say, “Absolutely not. I’d never befriend someone who talked to me the way I talk to myself on a daily basis.”

Maybe it’d be OK. Maybe you’d be able to tolerate a friend who said those things, accepting the good and brushing off the negative comments.

Maybe you’d be BFFs. Maybe you do a fantastic job talking to yourself.

Whatever the case may be in this season of your leadership, our self-talk is what drives our thoughts. It drives our attitudes. And many times, what we say in an effort to be motivating doesn’t actually serve us. Often, we are our own worst enemy.

John Maxwell has said before, “Some people would lose the race, even if they were running by themselves.” Imagine that! Coming in last, even when you didn’t have any competition, because of the self-talk you use. While a solo race may not have any readily-apparent consequences, other situations do. In our work, our families, and in our leadership, a bad attitude—or self-talk—leads to self-sabotage. 

Maybe you’ve crammed the night before a test, for example. If your self-talk is negative, you might see a confusing question in the textbook and think, Man, I hope they don’t use that question on the test. I’ll never get it right. I really hope I don’t see that tomorrow. What happens when you encounter it on the actual test? You freeze, right? Your mind goes blank. You have no idea how to solve it. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, in a sense.

Conversely, imagine you see the same practice problem the night before and resolve, I hope I see this again tomorrow—I’m going to make sure I know exactly how to solve it. I can do this! What happens then? You’ll likely at least have the tools to get partway through the problem.

Self-talk really does make a difference in our influence and our success. We have to change the way we talk to ourselves. We can be our own worst enemy or our greatest cheerleader. But the decision is up to us! You have a choice to go in a different direction with your words. Your past does not define you. It is your choice right now to think positively. We always move in the direction of our dominant thought. Whatever you give attention to grows, while whatever you take attention away from dies. This is why it’s essential that we regularly choose to let go, move on and step forward.

Words can either stretch you or shrink you. So share the good news with yourself. Change your paradigm by focusing on what there is to be grateful for in your life. Talk to yourself instead of merely listening to yourself. Positive thinking leads to positive action; positive action leads to positive practices; positive practices lead to positive persistence … and that leads to a changed attitude and a changed life. It takes consistency—doing it daily, over and over again. The compound effect of consistency is startling—you’ve probably seen it in other areas of your leadership already. Attitude and self-talk are no different.

Too many good ideas die quickly (or at birth) because of a strong negative response or negative self-talk. Play around with what ifs a bit, and give your ideas room to expand and grow. Speak positive things about yourself, your potential, and your ability. After all, there’s no way you’re going to develop something new or create solutions if you’re constantly beating yourself up inside. Focus on what you can control today. Leave yesterday behind, even though you’ve learned from it. Become bigger on the inside than you are on the outside.

NEED AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT?

Everyone needs an attitude adjustment at some point. It’s just part of recalibrating our self-talk. This is a discipline, too—and discipline is the difference between temporary success and sustained success. If you want lasting impact, it’s important to learn how to adjust your attitude for the better.

Let’s be honest, attitudes don’t automatically stay positive. We’ve all had those days that take us from feeling hopeful to feeling cynical, irritated and discouraged. When things don’t go our way, it’s easy for our attitudes to slip. When this happens, feed yourself positivity. Remember, attitude is a choice—so it’s up to us to adjust and manage our own attitudes.

John frequently says, “Everything worthwhile is uphill.” The reality is that, while all of us have uphill hopes in some shape or form, most people have downhill habits. In other words, there’s often a gap between our attitudes and our actions. The same discipline you use in correcting your self-talk will aid you in shifting your attitude back to a positive place. Whether things go wrong or right for you today, know that you’re empowered to make the choice! You have agency over your attitude. Start small: Who is one person you can decide to add value to in a specific way today, regardless of how your circumstances play out?

Attitude is not everything—it’s not a substitute for skills or competence—but it is the main thing. You can’t disconnect attitude from reality and expect success. Think about two job candidates with the exact same skill set and experience. If one of them has a terrible attitude in the interview, while the other has a positive, can-do attitude, which one do you think is going to get the job offer? You guessed it.

It's easy to become negative. It takes discipline to maintain a good attitude—but it pays in dividends in your leadership journey!