Who’s Got your Back?

By Wayne Alcorn

“I thought you were Ironman. I can’t believe this is you.”

These were the words of a junior staff member who watched me sob uncontrollably in my office. I couldn’t believe it was me either. I’d spent my entire adult life thinking that this type of crisis never happened to people like me. But it does … and it did.

Perhaps I should’ve seen it coming, but I was blindsided. That moment when I cracked was the culmination of a series of events and circumstances over a prolonged period of time. For once in my life, I felt like I was completely out of control.

I’ve discovered the rivers are seldom blocked by huge boulders, but by silt—small things that just continue to build up over time. Doesn’t that aptly describe where many leaders find themselves, when the flow of life, energy and joy is finally blocked by a buildup of people issues, financial pressures and the challenges associated with our work /life balance?

I had arrived at a moment when I was physically exhausted yet unable to sleep. I was overwhelmed with an intense sense of helplessness. An avalanche of emotions poured out. I finally admitted that I was soul-weary.

Fortunately, we caught things long before I got to a point of no return. That was thanks to God’s grace, an amazing wife and family, plus the support of some great friends and mentors.

This whole experience, however, started me on a journey of discovery to learn more about myself and what I need to keep going. I found a fresh resolve to never lose sight of the important things in life, like the joy and peace that come from having margins in your life. I’m also more motivated than ever to teach a new generation of leaders important principles to avoid similar pitfalls.

It’s good to find moments to re-evaluate our lifestyle, our relationships and our inner world, and then have the courage to make the necessary adjustments that will lead us to be healthier in every way.

TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE

If you are not from Australia, you may not be familiar with the concept of “mates.” Let me explain. They are special people—the “next-level friends” whom you fully trust. They are reliable. And they’ve got your back.

Our nation stops every year on April 25 to remember, with gratitude, the feats and sacrifices of a group of people known as the ANZACS (Australian and New Zealand Army Corps). Brave men and women like these ANZAC soldiers have, through our short history, punched above their weight in theatres of war.

In doing so, they have not only protected our nation, but have liberated others, despite often being outnumbered and under-resourced. When you examine the ANZAC culture, you come to realize what motivates and strengthens our servicemen and women. The stated ANZAC values are endurance, courage, ingenuity, good humor and mateship. To face the battles of life with a trusted mate at your side is a game-changer compared with facing tough times alone.

We’ve all got battles. We’ve all got an enemy of some sort that we need to beat. While some are evident, others exist in our internal world. Regardless, my message is simple: Don’t fight alone.

Get a friend who will stand with you and join you in the fight … similar to Jonathan’s armor-bearer in the Bible, who told his friend Jonathan, “I am with you heart and soul” (1 Samuel 14:7).

This is a classic Old Testament battlefield story of a prince named Jonathan and his nameless armor-bearer. (If you are a golfer, he’s like a caddy.) It’s worth a read in 1 Samuel 14, but let me give you a short summary.

While the king and 600 trained men were pontificating under a tree, these two young guys thought they would pick a fight. It’s obvious from the text that they weren’t certain of victory. They just decided that they didn’t want to die wondering.

You knew it would be a lot of fun when Jonathon decided on his course of action, because Scripture tells us that “he did not tell his father.” (How many of us have got some great stories that we told Dad well after the adventure?)

They had a battle plan that you won’t find in material on successful military strategy. It was simple. Let the enemy see them, and then see what happened next. Amazingly, however, from the outset they started to defeat the enemy.

As a result, the army was mobilized, cowards who had given up found strength to fight again and ultimately the battle was won. This was all because two mates had a go.

King Solomon made an insightful statement in the Book of Ecclesiastes (chapter 4 verse 9): “Two are better than one.”

Here are some things that a good mate can give you.

PERSPECTIVE

If you’ve ever looked out the window of a plane, you’ll notice that everything below looks smaller when you’re up in the air. That’s the same with relationships. When someone is not directly involved, not up close or consumed with issues, they have different points of reference. Not everything seems so big to them. They can see the forest and the trees!

SUPPORT

When God created the world, he repeatedly said that the things he made were “good” (Genesis 1–2). The first thing that God said was “not good,” however, was a man working on his own (Genesis 2:18). We are so much more effective when someone’s at our side than we are alone.

I love the thought that most miracles start with a simple question: “How can I help you?” The problem for most leaders is we’re just not good at asking for help … or even admitting that we need it. Somehow, messages have crept into leadership context that it is weakness to admit we are struggling or the task is too burdensome. This must change, or we stand to risk many good men and women from the front line of leadership.

ACCOUNTABILITY

The Apostle John has some great advice: “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin” (1 John 1:7).

As part of my tertiary studies (in the last century!) I learned how a lot of disease-causing germs are destroyed: by bringing them into the light. Many things that are damaging in our lives can be dealt a deathblow if we will only tell a mature, trusted friend. We never get better when we hide our problems. Transparency is a doorway to victory.

IMPROVEMENT

There’s a very simple principle that I’ve seen demonstrated over and over: you become like the company you keep. So hang around people who you want to be like.

Here’s another thought from King Solomon on the rewards of your companions: “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20).

A TRIBUTE

He never carried many titles during his life, nor did he ever claim the spotlight. Yet his funeral was huge, by any measure. “Youngie,” as he was affectionately known, was one of those larger-than-life characters: inappropriate at times (there were many times I had to tell this big guy not to wear his Lycra bike shorts into my church office!), but always without guile.

Performing his funeral was one of the most difficult tasks I’ve ever had to undertake. I had known Youngie for 40 years. He was one of the people most instrumental in my coming to faith in Christ. It was a little hard to believe that he was gone at just 60 years of age.

I’ve led many funeral services throughout my life but there was something very special about this one. It wasn’t just the number of people who gathered to honor this special man. There was a tone of gratitude that filled the atmosphere.

At the end of the service, people gathered to support the family and share their special memories of Youngie. I moved among the crowd and, in the process, did a little investigation. Then it dawned on me. I discovered why so many people had gathered to celebrate this seemingly ordinary Aussie guy. When people were asked why they chose to be at that service, overwhelmingly the most common response was, “Every time I met him, he encouraged me.”

We all need someone who has our back, supports and encourages us. This leaves us all with questions that demand an answer:

• Who are you encouraging at the moment?
• Who is encouraging you?
• Who is holding you accountable for those life-defining decisions you made?

None of us are superheroes. We’re human. We’ll all face challenges that we can’t overcome on our own. Defeat is not an option. May God make us aware of those armor bearers that are already in our world, and give us the wisdom and humility to invite them into our life and mission.