Respect Over ‘Likes’

By Tim Tebow

When I was going into ninth grade, I attended a weekend summer camp with some of the guys from my high school football team. It was called the Burly Man Retreat. (How much more meat-headed can you get? The camp was literally called “Burly Man”!)

I was so excited! I had the chance to be on the varsity team, and this retreat was an opportunity to work hard and showcase my ability as we competed against other local high school football teams in various events. Tug-of-war, sprints, chopping wood and many other “burly man” things. I had dreamed about this my whole life.

On the last night of the retreat, each team packed the auditorium for one final event. You can only imagine how bad it smelled. Hundreds of sweaty teenage guys. I’ve been in plenty of locker rooms throughout my career, but this room was different. It smelled awful.

The emcee came on stage, and we all listened intently. What would the last workout be?

He announced, “Each team needs to pick one guy. That one guy will come on stage and compete in a curling contest. He will curl a bar with two10-pound weights on each side, totaling 55 pounds, including the bar. Curl it as many times as possible. Whichever team does the most reps, that team wins!”

I was so pumped! My team had plenty of strong upperclassmen so obviously we’d select one of them to represent us. But when my teammates started asking who we should pick, they all turned and said, “Timmy, you’re going to do it!”

What!? Me? What are you talking about? I thought. I’m an eighth grader about to be a freshman. I’m not going to do it. Pick one of the seniors. But they didn’t hesitate. They said, “No, Timmy, we pick you!” I didn’t have a choice. So, I stood up and walked on the stage. Though I was a little nervous, I wasn’t afraid to represent my team. And I wanted to represent them well.

As a competitor, you always look for every possible advantage. So, when I got on stage, I sprinted to the back of the room so I could be last in line. The advantage of being last is that you know the number of reps you have to beat. But when I got to the back, leaning up against the wall was the defensive tackle from a rival high school.

He had solidified himself as last. There was no possible way of getting behind him. And this kid was jacked! I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was 100% stronger than me. As I was waiting in line, I kept thinking about how I was going to beat this guy. With pure physical strength? I couldn’t.

I approached the curling bar and looked up. My team was going crazy. My brothers were cheering for me. All the seniors were cheering for me. They had picked me. I couldn’t lose. My team was counting on me. This mattered too much. I had to come through. But I knew the guy behind me was stronger.

So, I just started going as fast as I could. Everybody who had gone before me put up an average number of reps. (I think the winning number at that time was around 55.) In a matter of minutes, I had surpassed that. Thankfully, form didn’t matter. We just had to raise the bar to our chests however we could. Swinging, arching my back, jumping … whatever it took.

At 175 reps, my arms were burning! But then again, I knew the guy behind me was stronger. In my mind, I had to put up a number he didn’t want to touch. That way, I would beat him before he even started.

I passed 225 reps. OK, now my arms were numb. Couldn’t feel a thing. I figured I might as well keep going.

My team was going nuts! I was feeding off their energy. I passed 275 ... then 300 … 312, 313, 314, 315… until I couldn’t move my arms, and I dropped the bar.

My teammates were jumping around. I was excited, but I also knew something was wrong. Immediately, I was escorted to the nurses, and they had to take me to get medical attention. True story! I actually did some damage to my arms. (Maybe that’s why my throwing motion was so funky!)

After I left, my teammates told me that the next kid (the guy who was stronger than me) did enough reps to get second place, dropped the bar, put his foot on it, said, “It ain't worth it,” and walked off the stage.

To him, it wasn’t worth it. To me, it was.

What do you think the other guy’s team was going to think in the fourth quarter when things got tough? Would it be worth it to him then? Or would he have the same attitude? Could they count on him, or would he quit?

I didn’t want my teammates to ask those questions about me when things got hard. I wanted them to be able to trust me in the fourth quarter or in the playoffs. I wanted them to know I was willing to suffer and I wasn’t going to flinch. It wasn’t about a silly curling contest! It was about respect. Because if I could earn my teammates respect in that moment—even if they didn’t always like me or like what I had to say in the future—at least they would know I cared enough about them to endure the suck and to do what was necessary to win. 

It may sound silly, but this stupid curling contest was an opportunity—an opportunity for me to show my teammates that I was willing to embrace pain for them. It was an opportunity to earn their respect.

THE POWER OF RESPECT

It seems like every year there’s another new book on what it means to be a successful leader, and everyone seems to have their own perspectives and definitions for leadership. For starters, leadership is just another word for influence. As John Maxwell often says, “If you think you’re a leader, but no one is following you, you are just taking a walk.” Simply put, leadership is the ability to influence.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe the topic of leadership is important, but too many people (from what I’ve read) put it in a box. It looks like this or that. Contrary to popular belief, there are many forms of leadership and influence, and it can take a variety of shapes and sizes. Leaders can be big, small, short or tall, introverted or extroverted, a visionary or an operator. There’s no standard prototype.

In fact, if you want to talk about the most effective “leadership tactic,” it’s probably manipulation. Yes, you read that correctly. One of the easiest ways to lead people is to lie and deceive. That’s reality, and history has proven it to be true. That’s why I don’t like talking about leadership in general terms because at its core leadership is amoral.

What I care about, however, is leadership that lasts. I’m not talking about the sleazy salesman on social media looking to make a quick buck or a charismatic narcissist. That style may work for a week, a month, maybe even for a few years, but to possess leadership that actually lasts, it takes something different.

RESPECT OVER ‘LIKE’

Throughout my life, I’ve had the privilege of being on great teams, employed by great companies and mentored by great people. From what I’ve observed, if you want to impact people long term and have influence that spans generations, it starts with one thing: respect.

Notice I didn’t say “like.” You see, we live in a society in which so much is about “likes.” Why do you think all social media platforms have a “like” or heart button? Unfortunately, for most users (especially young people) the more “likes” they receive, the more their self-confidence grows. We have conditioned ourselves to believe that our value and worth are determined by our post’s popularity. But what would happen if we switched the “like” button to a “respect” button? How many people would click that for you?

When we strive for “likes,” our relationships stay at a surface level. “Likes” don’t challenge us to grow and go deeper, they just communicate what we have in common with someone else. Favorite food, cute outfit, cool vacation spot, funny meme, etc. But when obstacles, adversity and disagreement hit, “likes” are typically nowhere to be seen. That’s why earning people's respect is more important. It's deeper than “like” because you actually have to work hard to earn it.

Recently, I had the opportunity to join John Maxwell in speaking at a leadership conference in Midland, Texas. I’m not sure how I drew the short straw, but I had to speak after him. If you’ve ever been to one of John’s events, you know he’s a tough act to follow. He can get the audience roaring with laughter in one moment and silence them with conviction in the next. He’s a master chef having fun in his kitchen. But I think one reason he’s so effective is that people respect him. They respect his expertise, his knowledge, his wisdom, his hard work and his impact.

Our English word “respect” comes from a 14th-century Latin word meaning “to look back at.” And as I look back at John Maxwell’s ministry, I have the utmost respect for him. He’s achieved everything the world essentially says is important (money, fame, power, praise, prestige and platform), but he hasn’t let that be his end. Why I respect John so much is because of his care for people. He doesn’t just want to see change in himself, he wants to see positive change in others. And that, my friend, is leadership that will last.

In what you’re doing, is it worth it to you to be respected? How far are you willing to go? How much do you care? As a leader, do your people just “like” you or do they respect you? Because the latter is what will take you further.